Burning In The Undertow : One Last Wish

It was to my surprise, upon my conversations with various fellow Fugazi or even Rites of Spring fan over the years that some of them had never heard of One Last Wish, Guy Picciotto's band post-Rites of Spring and pre-Fugazi. How is this possible? Let's get one thing straight : One Last Wish, by independent scene's scope, is not in anyway obscure. So how do we explain the fact that some people are still oblivious to the existence of this band?

Well, for a start, One Last Wish was not even a band for more than a year (8 months to be exact). They played no more than a slew of shows, mostly in D.C area. Though the mixing of their album was completed by January 1987, the album didn't see the light of day until 13 years later. The band's demise in the same month was the reason why Dischord didn't release it back then. However, their song Burning In The Undertow was featured on Dichord benefit sampler "State of The Union" (April 1989).

Also, not long after One Last Wish dissolution, both Canty and Picciotto joined Fugazi which became a powerhouse name in the DIY/hardcore/punk scene as we know it. Fugazi's influence and impact in the underground music scene in the late 80's onwards was huge and undeniable. Whether you agree or not with some of their ethical stances and approaches to business practices is a different matter altogether. It is no surprise that more people would become better acquainted with Fugazi.

I can't really remember my first revelation of One Last Wish. It must have been through some music articles or reviews on the internet. However, I do remember the impact it had on me. Eight years later, as i'm listening to their full-length "1986" while writing this, the magic has not lost on me. It doesn't sound even a second older which is a ridiculous thing to say considering how 80's the production of this album is.

Rites of Spring made a big impression on me when I heard them for the first time. It was also my first introduction with Mr. Picciotto. I didn't know that hardcore punk and melodies could be paired in such a way without sacrificing the intensity. It opened my eyes to this new realm of possibilities in music, leading me to other bands such as The Hated, Gray Matter, Soulside, Current, etc.

One Last Wish took this approach even a step further, introducing more mid-tempo sections and hints of 1970's UK post-punk in their music. Gone are the big blazing guitar riffs, and the aggressive, angry vocals. The bass and the vocals took the centre stage while two overdriven guitars weave in and out with their jangly open chords accompanying Guy's half-singing, half-shouting vocals. The song structures are simpler compared to Rites of Spring's, leaning towards pop format (none of the songs reaches three-minutes mark) with more emphasis in groove, giving the songs more space and dynamic. There's no long, noisy parts to be found ala Rites of Spring's End On End. Everything is concise, 'simple' and just enough. 

Am i biased when it comes to 1986? Yes, absolutely. It's one of my favorite albums of all time, beating Rites of Spring's End On End and Fugazi's Repeater releases by a tiny margin. Rites of Spring was bursting with intensity; Fugazi showed me growth and forward-thinking; while One Last Wish hit me emotionally, viscerally moved me and fill me with feelings. It's not anger nor sadness. It's not nostalgic longing nor glimpses of the future. It's a realization that music at its most basic and simple form may inspire any complicated human being.
 

Voice

Having to read students' essay is a big part of my job. Weekly (or daily even), I need to somehow rate all the elements that supposedly contribute to this thing that we inevitably, subjectively and yet objectively call a great writing. There are the usual, the normal, the obligatory and expected aspects such as conventions,text structure, use of connectors, sentence variation, etc. As boring as they sound, they are the fundamentals, the elementary yet significant; the primitive yet indispensable; the meat and potatoes of one's writing. These things are all introduced to the students gradually from young age with hopes that by the time they have the drive, the ideas and curiosity to write, all the tools would be at their disposal to use.

The next step would be to find one's 'voice'. This should always be pursued only after one has mastered all the basics. Only run once you know how to walk (I can't remember who said this, but credit goes to that person). Being the most difficult and problematic aspect of one's writing to master, more often that not, the process of finding one's voice gets neglected. What makes it so hard? Are the rules too demanding and toilsome? Nope. It's simply because there are no rules when it comes to finding your 'voice'.

Finding your 'voice' requires awareness; awareness of your surrounding and the world, and most importantly, awareness of your really true self. It is about looking into the deepest part of your soul and ask yourself "What do i desire? Who do i want to be? Why am i aspired to be that person? Where do i fit?" More often than not, you might not like the answers. The answers will not reveal anything you haven't known before but they will reveal things you didn't want to admit of feeling.

Just like everyone else, we need the belief -some people call it delusion, and others call it hope- that there's at least a glimpse of us that is totally unique. That there's something inside of us that we can call it our own. That a possibility of being an individual is not totally out of the window. And at the end of the day, we simply do not have any guarantee. None of us does. Your 'success' and 'passion' have nothing to do with this. Uncertainties is what makes us human. 

If that's the case, how does one find his/her own voice?

I don't know. Like i said, there's no guarantee.What makes you think everybody gets to find his/her own voice at all?

In the big scheme of the universe, we are nothing but a speck of dust; a dot among all the patterns; a drop of water during the endless rain. Our lives are small, and perhaps disposable. As depressing as this all may sounds, accepting one's limitation is the first step to find the voice. Don't forget that those ideas that flows from your brain towards your fingers, resulting in a seemingly random, and yet eloquent moves of the pen is the consequence of you. The paper is you. The pen is you. And what matters the most, the words are you. And most of the time, that's all we need.

The Missing Wisdom

Events that happened in our lives is what makes who we are. "Everything happens for a reason." Or so they say. I've used this line more than i'd like to admit. You probably have, too. Emotion-inducing events that occurs at young age, when frequent and/or intense usually leads one to become more aware of his or herself and surroundings. Self-awareness is a quality that i take pride in myself for having. It's the ability to learn and understand oneself to make the best decisions that align with our core as a person.

A lot of things happened this past a year and a half. A lot more than the usual amount I get. Some of these experiences were new at the time. Or maybe just different, i can't tell. Some left me in a quite bad state. I'm no stranger to when it comes to seasonal depression or moodiness, but there had been times when I absolutely felt nothing. Hollow.

I've made bad decisions. Quite a few of them. And they're all related to people. Friends. And acquaintances. It didn't seem bad at the time. After all, I always follow my guts. But as Rob Gordon put it best : "My guts have shit for brains" or in my case, feelings. I might have hurt people. People I care about. People that at one point probably care for me. As I hurt them, it hurts me. Worse. The worst part about it is that I didn't realize why I did it until months after.

My self-awareness has turned to nothing but empty pretentiousness. Sophistication that breeds stupidity. I've made the same mistakes that caused me to swear against these ignorances in the first place. Becoming a person you don't want to be can be quite scary. It messes up with your moral compass and values. It makes you question things. It makes you question yourself.

I've been trying to stay in my den where I can hide in my bubble and not confront the guilt. The world outside will not let you forget. Each handshake reminds me the time I didn't offer my hand to help. Each smile reminds me how beyond all meticulous judgements, we're all just a person. A human.

I've been trying to confront the feelings and tackle it head-on, but it proved to be difficult and traumatizing. Or maybe I'm just weak.

What goes around comes around. Time waits for no one. Live with your mistakes.

Lay Down

There were times when I was sure of most things
Confused, desperate and eager to prove
The minutes were amazing and the hours were blazing
Ticking but never blinking

Now I just want to lay down and close my eyes
And not think
What I thought was right might have been false
And the only truth is I know absolutely nothing

I'm scared
For I do things differently
And it's the only way i know how

Personal Musical Highlights of 2013

These are some of the musical things that happened this year and ones i will remember for years to come. Please note that i hardly ever follow/listen to new albums. I'm a very slow listener. Keeping up with new music with the internet around is just impossible.  I'm old, deal with it. 

1. My Bloody Valentine gig in Melbourne (Feb 2013)  

MBV is one of my favorite bands of all time, so seeing them live earlier this year easily made it the best thing that happened this year. It was one of those live performances that had so much expectation on it and yet delivered and not disappoint. They were probably the loudest band i've ever experienced, along with Dinosaur Jr back in Brisbane a few years ago. The show sold out and I had to spend quite a fair amount of money just to be there in attendance. I still keep the cheap, useless earplugs given right before the show started.

2. White Walls

Finding out about these guys was a gift. White Walls play this guitar-tone obsessed indie rock with doom metal leaning. It's like a bunch of metalheads playing Dinosaur Jr songs. One drummer, two guitars, no bass, lots of fuzz and open chords. Their songwriting and musical chops are astounding and they will only get bigger for sure. They are easily one of my favorite current bands now. I was lucky enough to see them in Melbourne when catching MBV and bought their record at Poison City. 

3. Vague (Shows and Recording)

Vague has played more shows this year more than ever. Some of them were the coolest shows i've ever played at. 

• Playing with screamo outfit Sjanse (SG), Terapiurine, Ssslothhh Spiritualized Mammals and their naked singer in Safe House bistro Bandung. 
• Sharing the stage with Barefood twice, one at the last POP UP! at Demajors old location (with Individual Distortion as well :D) and the other one at the legendary Superbad at Jaya Pub. 
• Playing at At America with Marche La Void. No one saw it coming, not even us haha. It was a strange but awesome experience.
• Participating in the very 1st Thursday Noise at Borneo Beerhouse with Mellon Yellow, Skandal (Jogja) and Morfem. 
• And of course playing at Waiting Room reunion at Rolling Stone Cafe. Even though the show was a flop (sandwiched between RRRecfest and Joyland), watching Waiting Room playing Fugazi's songs was pretty cool. 

Vague is also recording at the moment for a full-album and 7", coming out next year. If you had told me four years ago that the shitty punk band Jan and I started would even make it this far, I would've called you a liar. But things are going well for us at the moment and I am very very proud of Jan, Gary and myself. Shout out also to our old bassist, Adit.

4. Discovering Amazing Local Talents

Indonesia has always had amazing local talents for sure, but due to the lack of infrastructure, a lot of bands/artists stay obscure and often undeservedly so. Thanks to the internet and social media, words get around very fast these days. Here are some bands/artists that I wanted to highlight this year (they might not release anything in 2013) : 

• The Kuda is still underrated it's not even funny. I found out about them when randomly browsing YesNoWave catalogue (can't remember if it was in 2012 or 2013). These Bogor quartet plays early (late 70's) midwest style of American hardcore punk and they do it right. They were also featured on Rocket Rain soundtrack compilation this year. 
• Cotswold from Surabaya, also happen to be our label mate on Tseulfa/Tsefula recordsreleased their EP earlier this year. It showcases their ability to mix post punk with melodic delayed guitar lines. These guys are still very young (early 20's) and already on the path of something good. 
• Woodcabin, also our label mate on T/T record is consisted of Prabu of Saturday Night Karaoke and the drummer of Cotswold as well. They've demonstrated their unique, raw, no distortion approach on twinkly midwest emo. 
• WeThePeople from Bandung caught my eye when Vague played with them at Safe House Bistro, Bandung. While their old EP still leaned towards more straight-forward hardcore punk, their newer material has post-hardcore leaning while still retaining the intensity of hardcore. Don't sleep on them! Their full-length is coming out soon through Grimloc Records!  

Worthy mentions : Spiritualized Mammals (Bandung), Sex Sux (Bogor), Moiss (Semarang), Negative Lovers (Jakarta), Cathuspatha (Bandung), Vallendusk (Jakarta), Somnyfera (Bandung), Rabu (Jogjakarta)

5. Independent Record Labels

The record labels that i will mention mostly have been around longer than a year, but they have put out releases this year that are worth mentioning. 

• Anoa Records has probably been the most talked about record label this year. Their first release was Barefood's Sullen EP who did really well, sales-wise that it got them to Rolling Stone's top 10 list. Their second release, Seaside's Undone came out just a while ago and it will probably be a top seller as well. 
• Sonic Funeral Records is a Jogjakarta-based label (even though the owner works in Jakarta now) and has been responsible for these releases : Wicked Suffer 7", Asangata tapes, Avhath 7", and Southern Beach Terror LP that just came out. Komunal 12", Rabu tapes and Vague's first full length will be out next year!
• Elevation Records put out Semak Belukar 7" which has gotten rave reviews; Aurette and The Polska Seeking Carnival (Jogja) in 12" and tapes format; Roman Catholic Skulls; the legendary Sajama Cut's Osaka Journal re-issue in 12" format.

Others worth mentioning : Bronze Medal Records for Marcel Thee's solo album debut, Sigmun's single and Roman Catholic Skulls. Orange Cliff Records (Bandung) for Sigmun's lathe cut series, and upcoming Jirapah 7" and Polka Wars 7". Grimloc Records (Bandung) is the label that responsible for Homicide's Godzkilla Necronometry Reissue 12" that basically sold out 300 copies in a few hours. It was unheard of for a local release. They also put out the phenomenon (sorry :p) Ssslothhh's first album. 

6. Cafe Mondo (Kemang, Jakarta)

A three-floor cafe partly owned by Shun, a Japanese who's quite fluent in Indonesian and happens to love music. Cafe Mondo utilizes the top floor as a record store called High Fidelity. The vibe there is warmer and more friendly compared to say Monka Magic (I still go there); in my opinion a record store should be ran this way.

The basement area was often used for noise/vinyl release party/DJ gig and i always had a blast there due to its home-like environment. It's basically like hanging out with your buddies at a friend's basement.

 It wasn't until a few weeks ago that the space started to be utilized for full-band music gigs. The last two weeks of December proved to be busy for Cafe Mondo as bands blasted loud music downstairs and music lovers going up and down the stairs, alternating between watching the bands and hanging out outside by the parking lot. 

Cafe Mondo is an amazing place for music and hopefully it will be around for years to come.

7. Clatter 

Clatter is a side project that I started with a bunch of friends back in 2012. Poetra was no longer active with his solo project, Aksi dan Reaksi. Sarin has been inactive and Dilla wasn't doing anything musically. Arka was only playing occasionally for his band Arcasenal (now DRNKS) so I thought why not get everyone together and just play music.

Clatter played two shows in 2012 and that was it. Practices were far and far in-between due to lack of shows, musical goals and personal commitments. It was a miracle when Studiorama contacted us and asked us to play on the first day of RRRecfest, curated by them. We didn't (and still don't) have any recordings whatsoever nor internet presence. I will be forever grateful to Studiorama gang for this gig. It turned out to be one of the best gigs we've played so far. 

It will take a lot of hard work and commitment to really keep this project up and running but things are looking bright. We might finally record something in 2014. Wait for it!

8. Jirapah 

Like Vague, Jirapah also has played a lot of shows this year. I wish i could remember them all to pick out favorites. There were also other cool things happened for us this year. The ones on the top of my head :

• Keuken food festival in Bandung. It was out first venture playing outside of Jakarta. Bandung was a bit cold (weather and crowd-wise) but the experience of playing in a unused train station hall was something else. 
• Opening for Ruins Alone at Rossi Musik. It was our loudest/noisiest set yet. 
• RRRecfest #3. Between the rain, technical hiccups and amazing line-up, we managed to have fun. 
• Studiorama! The video for Sol is probably one of my favorite things Jirapah did this year. The actual showcase of the show was amazing also as we got to share the stage with the unbelievable Space System and Kracoon. Massive thanks and love for the hard-working and talented crews of Studiorama. 
• The song Crowns got featured in Rocket Rain soundtrack. The music video, done by the movie director, Anggun Priambodo himself shows bits and parts of a traditional Sundanese wedding and it's just beautiful to watch. 
• Being featured on Malaysian based website, The Wknd among with other great Indonesian bands such as White Shoes and The Couples Company, Sigmun, Morfem, etc. Jirapah played 3 songs : Summer, Foxes and Apes. The audio is just amazing and crisp. Everything sounded good.  Big props to The Wknd crew! 

I could on and on about music but i think i should stop here. 2013 has been an amazing year and i feel truly blessed.