Leftyfish - You, Fish! EP (Hitam Kelam Records)

The first 30 seconds of this record are deceiving enough : free-jazz like drumming with saxophone on top trying to keep up with the beat with faint high-pitched yell on the background. Once the distorted guitar came in, there's no mistaken that this is not for the faint of heart. The song went through changes almost every few seconds like a manic kid who tries to play as many notes on as many instruments as possible. The band stops real quick, leaving piano on the background, then re-joined. Tremolo picking over double-bass? check. Piano on the background? check. Saxophone? check. 

There's a definite free-jazz influence here, as well as grindcore and hints of progressive (even though none of the songs are longer than 2 minutes). John Zorn and Tzadic comes to mind. And the high-pitched female yell will surely recall Melt Banana as well. The more metal parts reminds me of Circle Takes The Square. This EP is exciting and I applaud Leftyfish for further establishing Jogjakarta as a hotbed for interesting and somewhat 'different' music. 

However, I do feel that they're most effective when the grindy moments are inter-juxtaposed with the 'random' jazz moments. Tracks such as End Up On The Screen and Trees which display a more straight-forward grind structure doesn't really do much for me. Overall though, this is a really good EP and i'm excited about these guys. It's aggressive, manic, and a bit wacky (in the best way). I can see this band having more crossover appeal. Will be waiting for their next releases for sure. 

7/10

The Best of 2014 List (Part 1) : Top 14 Music Albums of 2014 (Locals Excluded)

So this year i've actually managed to not be a lazy fuck and listen to enough number of albums coming out in 2014 to actually compile a proper list. While there wasn't any album that stood out far and beyond from the rest of the pack, these albums showcased the artists' growth, some degree of experimentation and the willingness to break out of their comfort zones or simply because they sound good to my ears heh.

My 14 favorite albums of 2014 (excluding locals; not in order)

1. Creative Adult - Psychic Mess (Run For Cover)

Ex-members of Life Long Tragedy teamed up with Godspeed You! Black Emperor's Efrim Menuck to produce one of the most captivating records I've heard this year. It's basically hardcore channeled through garage/post-punk sound. The songwriting is quite good and there are some nice breaks and unexpected change in tempos throughout the album, accompanied by swirling chorus-y/flangered guitar sound.The production plays a big part on this record as it manages to showcase the tight rhythm section, highlighting the pounding bass drum or those commanding bass lines when necessary. Permeated with reverb and echo without being overbearing, this album simply sounds thick,dense and awesome.

2. Kayo Dot - Coffins On Io (The Flenser)

Known for their experimental/avant-garde rock/metal tendencies, Kayo Dot has never been one to get too comfortable with one particular sound. One of the things that makes them incredible is their aspiration to always approach a new territory on every record. On Coffins On Io, they go for clean, atmospheric 80's progressive rock. The guitar has taken a bit of back seat, mostly providing clean plucking, letting the other instruments to come forward. The synths are pretty prominent, giving the record that darkwave feel at times. Toby Driver's vocals are also quite substantial here, commanding the melodies throughout the album without any trace of the harsh screams.

3. St. Vincent - St.Vincent (Loma Vista)
I don't care for St. Vincent's new stage persona, or the occasional weird choreography she did with her band when performing now, but Annie Clark (or St. Vincent)'s talent in writing and composing off-kilter pop songs is undeniable. She is also a very talented guitarist, equally as good in finger picking as she is with strumming dissonant distorted chords. St. Vincent is an amalgamation of infectious, eccentric pop songs with electro beats and pitch-shiftered-fuzzed-out guitar solos. 'Birth in Reverse' is one of the best pop songs i've heard in a while.   

4. The Hotelier - Home, Like Noplace Is There (Tiny Engines)

There's a clear nod to 90's emo here, as well as pop-punk from the same era. For a genre that has been beaten to death and the unfortunate fact that so many bands sound uninspiringly similar to each other, it is pretty surprising that something this good can still come out of it. While not breaking any new ground here, Hotelier's songwriting chops are pretty strong and the songs are well enough executed to prevent them to sound like their contemporaries. The vocals are quite strong and the band utilizes this strength of theirs in the best way possible (listen to "An Introduction..." or chorus of "Your Deep Rest"). I was sold on this album 30 seconds into the first track. 

5.Blank Realm - Grassed Inn (Fire Records)

This Brisbane noisy-psych-garage rock band has been playing music for sometime now. Grassed In sees these guys and gal attempting to marry pop songwriting with their usual lengthy,jammy instrumental sessions. "Bulldozer Love" is a good example of this; offering plenty of hooks and melodies before slowly ascending to buzzing synth and amazing fuzzy guitar solos that pushes the song to a new height. The lo-fi production and 'imperfection' of their playing (few awkward notes, flat vocals) does nothing but adds more charm to their sound.

6. Killeur Calculateur - Book Of Flags (Tandang Records/Framecode Records)

These guys sure know how to make a comeback. Book Of Flags is a testament of their growth as a band. It's very interesting trying to dissect all the different influences happening on this record. There's a definite My Disco/Off Minor  influence, especially the with the post-punky, start-stop syncopated rhythm section and yelled vocals. Also found here are math-rock, post hardcore, and noise-rock bits; all blends into one, creating a captivating sound. My favorite thing about this record is how catchy and surprisingly groovy it is,while maintaining the punk intensity. This is simply class. South East Asia represents! 

7. Nothing - Guilty Of Everything (Relapse)

There has been a resurgence of shoegaze/dream-pop from the States lately, interestingly enough, made up by dudes who used to be in punk/hardcore bands. This might have something to do with the way Nothing retains their 'heaviness' on this record. The drum is always solidly audible, and the guitar distortion is more on the warm side, with plenty of low-end, making them sound like Smashing Pumpkins' heavier moments. Sometimes I think of this record more as 'dreamy spacey rock' ala Hum/Hopesfall with softer vocals. While this record doesn't really offer anything new, the execution of the music is spot on and it lulls you in with the huge, familiar walls of sound.

8. White Lung - Deep Fantasy (Domino)

Deep Fantasy is While Lung's 3rd album, and just like the last two, this is a blazing, in-your-face, feminist punk record with surprisingly compact musicianship and catchy melodies. The music is as straight forward as it gets; the drum pounds away, constantly carrying the songs with such velocity while the guitars alternate between meaty power chords and those shrilling, knife-like riffs that they're well known for. There are songs where While Lung lets the melodies and hooks to shine through more, and at times one can hear some similarities with the now defunct Pretty Girl Make Graves. Clocking at 22 minutes, Deep Fantasy is short and sweet, never outstaying it's welcome.

9. The Ocean Party - Soft Focus (Spunk)

This album is my introduction to The Ocean Party. Rather shy and perhaps conventional, it takes time to fully get absorbed by the warmth and gentle sound of these guys. There's an obvious influence of 80's jangly pop such as The Smiths and The Go-Betweens as well as similarities with the more current act, Real Estate, but The Ocean Party is way more introverted, and they like to hide behind the gorgeous layers of their instruments, resulting in a bigger and fuller listening experience. Instead of relying on guitars like most bands playing this style, The Ocean Party utilizes a wide array of instruments (horns, saxophone, trumpet,clarinet, harmonica, synths) and carefully arrange their placement for cohesiveness.

10. GIVE - Electric Flower Circus (Moonflower)

Being a big fan of the classic Washington D.C's Revolution Summer sound, i've been following Give and Lion of Judah (both share members) as the frontrunners playing this style, without simply being a tribute-cover band as they inject their own twists to the sound. After a strings of EPs, finally Give put out their first album. Here, Give has demonstrated their ability to touch on new grounds and evolve without sacrificing the essence of their sound. The songs are mostly mid-tempo (think of Hot Water Music) without ever reaching the aggression of the songs on their previous EPs, but the melodies and grooves are still present, and the songs are more diverse than before. Taking a big risk with this half Fugazi-bred hardcore, half rock and roll, Give continues to carry the Revolution Summer torch. 

11. Shellac - Dude Incredible (Touch and Go)

Seven years of gap between their last record and this one, and oh it's worth the wait alright. This record is unmistakably Shellac. The unpredictable drums, the thick and punchy bass, and of course Albini's Travis Bean signature sharp, jagged aluminium guitar tone are all present. It seems like Shellac pulled apart their sound, reconfigured it, and present it in a way that it allows itself to sound fresh. There are quieter parts scattered throughout the records, allowing the band to build up on it before finally explodes in their interlocking rhythm groove. This record sounds like an intensely practiced jam if that makes any sense. The production sounds amazing as always, but i need to specifically highlight the bass. It's HUGE. Math-rock, post-hardcore, minimalist noise rock, whatever it is, this record rules.

12.Ritual Mess - Vile Art (Clean Plate)

As good as this record is, if you can't stand screamy, chaotic hardcore punk, then stay away! Let's get the Orchid comparison out of the way first, as this band consists of 3 ex-Orchid members with Ampere's drummer. Do they sound like Orchid? in some parts, yes. When they decide to turn on the aggressiveness, they definitely do, although never quite reaching the level of dizziness that Orchid used to be able to hit. Instead, there are more variation in the songwriting, moments where they hold back, keeping the intensity under check, before unleashing them. The noisy, droney first half of "The Last Shout" is my favorite off the album,  where guitar harmonics would fill in the space for 2 minutes, before the break into their usual hardcore part. There's a definite 90's Gravity/31G Records sounds here as well (Drive Like Jehu, Swing Kids, Antioch Arrow) and it's heaven to my ears.

13. Total Control - Typical System (Iron Lung)

Okay so a band whose members are in a bunch of hardcore/punk bands : Straight Jacket Nation, The UV Race, Eddy Current Suppression Ring release their music via a label owned by power-violence, grindy punk Iron Lung, what do you get? a synth-punk-pop record, that's what. Typical System has this formula : one new-wave dancey snyth pop song, followed by a more aggressive garage-punk, then back to the pop. The smooth opener 'Glass' has that krautrock vibe to it, while the repetitive, motorik-beat fueled, psychedelic jam 'Black Spring' brings Roxy Music to mind. Upon more listens, one would find all these different influences adopted by these guys. This is an excellent record.

14. BabyMetal - BabyMetal (Toy's Factory)

Am I aware of how gimmicky this band is? Yes. Am i aware that this band was put together a big soulless, evil corporate? Yes. Did I know that the girls didn't even know what metal was prior to this project? Yes. J-pop meets metal. Am i aware that this combination shouldn't work? Yes. Should I listen to Baby Metal? Probably not. Do I listen to it? Yes. Is it awesome? yes. Now, being their first album, you can tell there's quite a bit of trial and error here, and the tendency to put as many different genres to the mix as possible to get the widest audience.There's djent-metal (Megitsune, Akunu...), nu-metal (Onedari Daisakusen) to power metal (Ijime, Dame, Zettai) all combined with cutesy girl-vocals and occasionally random metal growls. If this doesn't sound weird enough, there are random hip-hop, EDM, even dubstep parts scattered throughout the album. I personally think some of these don't work. But one fact remains, as confusing as all these amalgamation is, the music is unique and strangely enough, it just works.

Burning In The Undertow : One Last Wish

It was to my surprise, upon my conversations with various fellow Fugazi or even Rites of Spring fan over the years that some of them had never heard of One Last Wish, Guy Picciotto's band post-Rites of Spring and pre-Fugazi. How is this possible? Let's get one thing straight : One Last Wish, by independent scene's scope, is not in anyway obscure. So how do we explain the fact that some people are still oblivious to the existence of this band?

Well, for a start, One Last Wish was not even a band for more than a year (8 months to be exact). They played no more than a slew of shows, mostly in D.C area. Though the mixing of their album was completed by January 1987, the album didn't see the light of day until 13 years later. The band's demise in the same month was the reason why Dischord didn't release it back then. However, their song Burning In The Undertow was featured on Dichord benefit sampler "State of The Union" (April 1989).

Also, not long after One Last Wish dissolution, both Canty and Picciotto joined Fugazi which became a powerhouse name in the DIY/hardcore/punk scene as we know it. Fugazi's influence and impact in the underground music scene in the late 80's onwards was huge and undeniable. Whether you agree or not with some of their ethical stances and approaches to business practices is a different matter altogether. It is no surprise that more people would become better acquainted with Fugazi.

I can't really remember my first revelation of One Last Wish. It must have been through some music articles or reviews on the internet. However, I do remember the impact it had on me. Eight years later, as i'm listening to their full-length "1986" while writing this, the magic has not lost on me. It doesn't sound even a second older which is a ridiculous thing to say considering how 80's the production of this album is.

Rites of Spring made a big impression on me when I heard them for the first time. It was also my first introduction with Mr. Picciotto. I didn't know that hardcore punk and melodies could be paired in such a way without sacrificing the intensity. It opened my eyes to this new realm of possibilities in music, leading me to other bands such as The Hated, Gray Matter, Soulside, Current, etc.

One Last Wish took this approach even a step further, introducing more mid-tempo sections and hints of 1970's UK post-punk in their music. Gone are the big blazing guitar riffs, and the aggressive, angry vocals. The bass and the vocals took the centre stage while two overdriven guitars weave in and out with their jangly open chords accompanying Guy's half-singing, half-shouting vocals. The song structures are simpler compared to Rites of Spring's, leaning towards pop format (none of the songs reaches three-minutes mark) with more emphasis in groove, giving the songs more space and dynamic. There's no long, noisy parts to be found ala Rites of Spring's End On End. Everything is concise, 'simple' and just enough. 

Am i biased when it comes to 1986? Yes, absolutely. It's one of my favorite albums of all time, beating Rites of Spring's End On End and Fugazi's Repeater releases by a tiny margin. Rites of Spring was bursting with intensity; Fugazi showed me growth and forward-thinking; while One Last Wish hit me emotionally, viscerally moved me and fill me with feelings. It's not anger nor sadness. It's not nostalgic longing nor glimpses of the future. It's a realization that music at its most basic and simple form may inspire any complicated human being.
 

Voice

Having to read students' essay is a big part of my job. Weekly (or daily even), I need to somehow rate all the elements that supposedly contribute to this thing that we inevitably, subjectively and yet objectively call a great writing. There are the usual, the normal, the obligatory and expected aspects such as conventions,text structure, use of connectors, sentence variation, etc. As boring as they sound, they are the fundamentals, the elementary yet significant; the primitive yet indispensable; the meat and potatoes of one's writing. These things are all introduced to the students gradually from young age with hopes that by the time they have the drive, the ideas and curiosity to write, all the tools would be at their disposal to use.

The next step would be to find one's 'voice'. This should always be pursued only after one has mastered all the basics. Only run once you know how to walk (I can't remember who said this, but credit goes to that person). Being the most difficult and problematic aspect of one's writing to master, more often that not, the process of finding one's voice gets neglected. What makes it so hard? Are the rules too demanding and toilsome? Nope. It's simply because there are no rules when it comes to finding your 'voice'.

Finding your 'voice' requires awareness; awareness of your surrounding and the world, and most importantly, awareness of your really true self. It is about looking into the deepest part of your soul and ask yourself "What do i desire? Who do i want to be? Why am i aspired to be that person? Where do i fit?" More often than not, you might not like the answers. The answers will not reveal anything you haven't known before but they will reveal things you didn't want to admit of feeling.

Just like everyone else, we need the belief -some people call it delusion, and others call it hope- that there's at least a glimpse of us that is totally unique. That there's something inside of us that we can call it our own. That a possibility of being an individual is not totally out of the window. And at the end of the day, we simply do not have any guarantee. None of us does. Your 'success' and 'passion' have nothing to do with this. Uncertainties is what makes us human. 

If that's the case, how does one find his/her own voice?

I don't know. Like i said, there's no guarantee.What makes you think everybody gets to find his/her own voice at all?

In the big scheme of the universe, we are nothing but a speck of dust; a dot among all the patterns; a drop of water during the endless rain. Our lives are small, and perhaps disposable. As depressing as this all may sounds, accepting one's limitation is the first step to find the voice. Don't forget that those ideas that flows from your brain towards your fingers, resulting in a seemingly random, and yet eloquent moves of the pen is the consequence of you. The paper is you. The pen is you. And what matters the most, the words are you. And most of the time, that's all we need.

The Missing Wisdom

Events that happened in our lives is what makes who we are. "Everything happens for a reason." Or so they say. I've used this line more than i'd like to admit. You probably have, too. Emotion-inducing events that occurs at young age, when frequent and/or intense usually leads one to become more aware of his or herself and surroundings. Self-awareness is a quality that i take pride in myself for having. It's the ability to learn and understand oneself to make the best decisions that align with our core as a person.

A lot of things happened this past a year and a half. A lot more than the usual amount I get. Some of these experiences were new at the time. Or maybe just different, i can't tell. Some left me in a quite bad state. I'm no stranger to when it comes to seasonal depression or moodiness, but there had been times when I absolutely felt nothing. Hollow.

I've made bad decisions. Quite a few of them. And they're all related to people. Friends. And acquaintances. It didn't seem bad at the time. After all, I always follow my guts. But as Rob Gordon put it best : "My guts have shit for brains" or in my case, feelings. I might have hurt people. People I care about. People that at one point probably care for me. As I hurt them, it hurts me. Worse. The worst part about it is that I didn't realize why I did it until months after.

My self-awareness has turned to nothing but empty pretentiousness. Sophistication that breeds stupidity. I've made the same mistakes that caused me to swear against these ignorances in the first place. Becoming a person you don't want to be can be quite scary. It messes up with your moral compass and values. It makes you question things. It makes you question yourself.

I've been trying to stay in my den where I can hide in my bubble and not confront the guilt. The world outside will not let you forget. Each handshake reminds me the time I didn't offer my hand to help. Each smile reminds me how beyond all meticulous judgements, we're all just a person. A human.

I've been trying to confront the feelings and tackle it head-on, but it proved to be difficult and traumatizing. Or maybe I'm just weak.

What goes around comes around. Time waits for no one. Live with your mistakes.

Lay Down

There were times when I was sure of most things
Confused, desperate and eager to prove
The minutes were amazing and the hours were blazing
Ticking but never blinking

Now I just want to lay down and close my eyes
And not think
What I thought was right might have been false
And the only truth is I know absolutely nothing

I'm scared
For I do things differently
And it's the only way i know how

Personal Musical Highlights of 2013

These are some of the musical things that happened this year and ones i will remember for years to come. Please note that i hardly ever follow/listen to new albums. I'm a very slow listener. Keeping up with new music with the internet around is just impossible.  I'm old, deal with it. 

1. My Bloody Valentine gig in Melbourne (Feb 2013)  

MBV is one of my favorite bands of all time, so seeing them live earlier this year easily made it the best thing that happened this year. It was one of those live performances that had so much expectation on it and yet delivered and not disappoint. They were probably the loudest band i've ever experienced, along with Dinosaur Jr back in Brisbane a few years ago. The show sold out and I had to spend quite a fair amount of money just to be there in attendance. I still keep the cheap, useless earplugs given right before the show started.

2. White Walls

Finding out about these guys was a gift. White Walls play this guitar-tone obsessed indie rock with doom metal leaning. It's like a bunch of metalheads playing Dinosaur Jr songs. One drummer, two guitars, no bass, lots of fuzz and open chords. Their songwriting and musical chops are astounding and they will only get bigger for sure. They are easily one of my favorite current bands now. I was lucky enough to see them in Melbourne when catching MBV and bought their record at Poison City. 

3. Vague (Shows and Recording)

Vague has played more shows this year more than ever. Some of them were the coolest shows i've ever played at. 

• Playing with screamo outfit Sjanse (SG), Terapiurine, Ssslothhh Spiritualized Mammals and their naked singer in Safe House bistro Bandung. 
• Sharing the stage with Barefood twice, one at the last POP UP! at Demajors old location (with Individual Distortion as well :D) and the other one at the legendary Superbad at Jaya Pub. 
• Playing at At America with Marche La Void. No one saw it coming, not even us haha. It was a strange but awesome experience.
• Participating in the very 1st Thursday Noise at Borneo Beerhouse with Mellon Yellow, Skandal (Jogja) and Morfem. 
• And of course playing at Waiting Room reunion at Rolling Stone Cafe. Even though the show was a flop (sandwiched between RRRecfest and Joyland), watching Waiting Room playing Fugazi's songs was pretty cool. 

Vague is also recording at the moment for a full-album and 7", coming out next year. If you had told me four years ago that the shitty punk band Jan and I started would even make it this far, I would've called you a liar. But things are going well for us at the moment and I am very very proud of Jan, Gary and myself. Shout out also to our old bassist, Adit.

4. Discovering Amazing Local Talents

Indonesia has always had amazing local talents for sure, but due to the lack of infrastructure, a lot of bands/artists stay obscure and often undeservedly so. Thanks to the internet and social media, words get around very fast these days. Here are some bands/artists that I wanted to highlight this year (they might not release anything in 2013) : 

• The Kuda is still underrated it's not even funny. I found out about them when randomly browsing YesNoWave catalogue (can't remember if it was in 2012 or 2013). These Bogor quartet plays early (late 70's) midwest style of American hardcore punk and they do it right. They were also featured on Rocket Rain soundtrack compilation this year. 
• Cotswold from Surabaya, also happen to be our label mate on Tseulfa/Tsefula recordsreleased their EP earlier this year. It showcases their ability to mix post punk with melodic delayed guitar lines. These guys are still very young (early 20's) and already on the path of something good. 
• Woodcabin, also our label mate on T/T record is consisted of Prabu of Saturday Night Karaoke and the drummer of Cotswold as well. They've demonstrated their unique, raw, no distortion approach on twinkly midwest emo. 
• WeThePeople from Bandung caught my eye when Vague played with them at Safe House Bistro, Bandung. While their old EP still leaned towards more straight-forward hardcore punk, their newer material has post-hardcore leaning while still retaining the intensity of hardcore. Don't sleep on them! Their full-length is coming out soon through Grimloc Records!  

Worthy mentions : Spiritualized Mammals (Bandung), Sex Sux (Bogor), Moiss (Semarang), Negative Lovers (Jakarta), Cathuspatha (Bandung), Vallendusk (Jakarta), Somnyfera (Bandung), Rabu (Jogjakarta)

5. Independent Record Labels

The record labels that i will mention mostly have been around longer than a year, but they have put out releases this year that are worth mentioning. 

• Anoa Records has probably been the most talked about record label this year. Their first release was Barefood's Sullen EP who did really well, sales-wise that it got them to Rolling Stone's top 10 list. Their second release, Seaside's Undone came out just a while ago and it will probably be a top seller as well. 
• Sonic Funeral Records is a Jogjakarta-based label (even though the owner works in Jakarta now) and has been responsible for these releases : Wicked Suffer 7", Asangata tapes, Avhath 7", and Southern Beach Terror LP that just came out. Komunal 12", Rabu tapes and Vague's first full length will be out next year!
• Elevation Records put out Semak Belukar 7" which has gotten rave reviews; Aurette and The Polska Seeking Carnival (Jogja) in 12" and tapes format; Roman Catholic Skulls; the legendary Sajama Cut's Osaka Journal re-issue in 12" format.

Others worth mentioning : Bronze Medal Records for Marcel Thee's solo album debut, Sigmun's single and Roman Catholic Skulls. Orange Cliff Records (Bandung) for Sigmun's lathe cut series, and upcoming Jirapah 7" and Polka Wars 7". Grimloc Records (Bandung) is the label that responsible for Homicide's Godzkilla Necronometry Reissue 12" that basically sold out 300 copies in a few hours. It was unheard of for a local release. They also put out the phenomenon (sorry :p) Ssslothhh's first album. 

6. Cafe Mondo (Kemang, Jakarta)

A three-floor cafe partly owned by Shun, a Japanese who's quite fluent in Indonesian and happens to love music. Cafe Mondo utilizes the top floor as a record store called High Fidelity. The vibe there is warmer and more friendly compared to say Monka Magic (I still go there); in my opinion a record store should be ran this way.

The basement area was often used for noise/vinyl release party/DJ gig and i always had a blast there due to its home-like environment. It's basically like hanging out with your buddies at a friend's basement.

 It wasn't until a few weeks ago that the space started to be utilized for full-band music gigs. The last two weeks of December proved to be busy for Cafe Mondo as bands blasted loud music downstairs and music lovers going up and down the stairs, alternating between watching the bands and hanging out outside by the parking lot. 

Cafe Mondo is an amazing place for music and hopefully it will be around for years to come.

7. Clatter 

Clatter is a side project that I started with a bunch of friends back in 2012. Poetra was no longer active with his solo project, Aksi dan Reaksi. Sarin has been inactive and Dilla wasn't doing anything musically. Arka was only playing occasionally for his band Arcasenal (now DRNKS) so I thought why not get everyone together and just play music.

Clatter played two shows in 2012 and that was it. Practices were far and far in-between due to lack of shows, musical goals and personal commitments. It was a miracle when Studiorama contacted us and asked us to play on the first day of RRRecfest, curated by them. We didn't (and still don't) have any recordings whatsoever nor internet presence. I will be forever grateful to Studiorama gang for this gig. It turned out to be one of the best gigs we've played so far. 

It will take a lot of hard work and commitment to really keep this project up and running but things are looking bright. We might finally record something in 2014. Wait for it!

8. Jirapah 

Like Vague, Jirapah also has played a lot of shows this year. I wish i could remember them all to pick out favorites. There were also other cool things happened for us this year. The ones on the top of my head :

• Keuken food festival in Bandung. It was out first venture playing outside of Jakarta. Bandung was a bit cold (weather and crowd-wise) but the experience of playing in a unused train station hall was something else. 
• Opening for Ruins Alone at Rossi Musik. It was our loudest/noisiest set yet. 
• RRRecfest #3. Between the rain, technical hiccups and amazing line-up, we managed to have fun. 
• Studiorama! The video for Sol is probably one of my favorite things Jirapah did this year. The actual showcase of the show was amazing also as we got to share the stage with the unbelievable Space System and Kracoon. Massive thanks and love for the hard-working and talented crews of Studiorama. 
• The song Crowns got featured in Rocket Rain soundtrack. The music video, done by the movie director, Anggun Priambodo himself shows bits and parts of a traditional Sundanese wedding and it's just beautiful to watch. 
• Being featured on Malaysian based website, The Wknd among with other great Indonesian bands such as White Shoes and The Couples Company, Sigmun, Morfem, etc. Jirapah played 3 songs : Summer, Foxes and Apes. The audio is just amazing and crisp. Everything sounded good.  Big props to The Wknd crew! 

I could on and on about music but i think i should stop here. 2013 has been an amazing year and i feel truly blessed. 

Sad Songs Make Me Smile

I have just recently found this out : songs that stick in my head are the ones that are usually sad or melancholy in nature, but at the same time, in a bizarre fashion have the power to make me smile. I have yet to pinpoint the exact reason why I would be smiling as I listen to these songs, but maybe it's the combination of being excited that a song would be able to articulate your feelings better than any words could and knowing that there are other souls out there who feel your pain.

Maybe it's the lyrics
or the melodies
or the atmosphere 
Who knows? I wish I could explain why these songs are that amazing to me.

These songs are what get me through these last few months' nights. Sad songs are celebration of life.

1. Deerhunter - Helicopter



2. Dinosaur Jr. - Get Me


3. Built To Spill - Else 
 

Idealism And Adulthood

Youth represents a lot of things to different people. One's definition of youth may also varies. For some people, youth ends the minute they graduated from university. For some people, youth ends when they start putting on their formal shoes and blazers every morning, slaving away from nine to five. I was (am) somewhat a bit of 'late bloomer' and didn't really come into my own until my early 20's. I feel like this occurrence has extended my youth period and I didn't really consider myself as an adult until I was twenty-five. 

My college and post-college years was crucial to me as it was the time where I was molding myself into a person i would like to become. I started writing my own blog, started going regularly to music shows, started exploring different ideas and asking questions to everything.  My idealisms were soaring high during this period, and I felt like I was strong enough to take on the world and its corruptness and hypocrisies. 

THE question is whether it is possible to actually sustain this idealism all the way through adulthood with its growing demands of responsibility and the unavoidable pressure of 'making something for oneself'. The answer is yes and no. While some people would conveniently point out that we let go of our idealisms and conform to what is deemed acceptable in society as we grow up, I feel like it is more of a matter of picking your battles and re-evaluate your priorities in life.

As we face obstacles and hurdles that life throw at us, our brains are constantly sorting out these things, weighing out the benefits of these idealisms and trying to decide whether they are worth holding onto. The ideas you feel strongly about will prevail and strengthen your beliefs on them. Others might have to take a back seat and go through a bit of compromising.

I believe this is a natural, necessary process and thus we shouldn't be afraid of changes. It is hard sometimes to let go some of our beliefs because of what they represent -moments in our lives when we were young and invincible- .But life is a learning process that never ends, and we have to keep rolling with the punches as they come. Besides, how would you know the depth of your beliefs if they have never been tested?

Awareness

I wrote a short article entitled 'Awareness' for a friend's open-topic-zine collaboration. It has contributors from Australia, Finland, India, Indonesia, Japan, India, Malaysia, Norway, Singapore and United States. Awesomeness.

Download the full zine here!

                      AWARENESS

One can easily argue that the concept of inequality in life has already started when one was born into this world. Some people were born into families that have everything, and while others arguably would have to struggle a lot more during their quests to financial stabilities. Certainly, no one wish to be born into a poor/financially struggling family and it’s not like we have a say in it before coming into this world. However, we do have the power to choose how we will live our lives with what we have been given. 

 

I was born and raised in Jakarta and have spent most of my life here. It’s no secret that Jakarta has a big issue over social and economic inequality among its residents. Over the years, I’ve had friends from Australia, Phillipines, Singapore and other various countries coming over for holiday and most of the time I had to explain to them why some people could afford to buy the latest BMW cars and others were picking up scraps and pieces of garbage off the street for living.

My realization of this social/economic gap has started as early as I could remember. My parents used to take me and my sister to orphanages when we were kids to show that there’s a whole different world out there filled with less fortunate people. Of course I had to learn the lesson the hard way as well : growing up, there were times when I had been mugged and asked for money by these ‘less fortunate’ kids on the streets. Since then, I had been really conscious when it came to social/economic gap among people and brought this experiences and knowledge with me as I turned older and became an adult.

At present, I’m a 26 year-old guy working as an English teacher for an enrichment learning centre. Eighty percent students that I teach go to International schools where the facilites are vastly better and could cost about ten times as expensive as state-owned schools. Having been teaching for almost two years now, at one point I realised that most of these kids have never been on Jakarta’s public transportations nor have they experienced the crowded, sweaty, traditional markets that my Mom would take me to every Sunday when I was a kid. I was puzzled. 

One of the things that has to be done in order to stop these massive disparities is to have the ‘more fortunate’ people share their wealth/knowledge/love/time with the lesser ones, especially with the way our systems right now only benefit certain classes of people. It’s simple and yet its the most effective way. And for this to work, awareness among people and kids from young age is crucial. Kids need to know what really happens out there, on the other side of their parents’ car window. 

Without ignoring my main responsibility of teaching my students English grammar and how to write a well-structured essay, a big part of mastering a language is about communicating ideas. Ideas are formed from knowledge, experience and the world around us. I tried to transfer some of these to my students in class everytime I had a chance. Hopefully they take something from these processes, no matter how small it is.

At the end of the day, it is about holding on to that hope that something will change in the future and make sure that we are doing something, anything that will propel the current’s state of things towards that change, no matter how small it might be. Seeing how bleak things are and the fact that our government turns into a bigger joke every day, I feel like the social/economic gap among Jakarta’s residents is sadly our problem to solve.

-Yudhistira-

The Art of Being Alone

The word anti-social gets a lot of bad reputation because of its strong association with the assumption of one's lack of effort to socialize with others. While there are many different definitions of this word on the internet, the somewhat negative stigma attached to it is pretty hard to shake off regardless of your chosen definition.

Even with such negative impression the word gives, I find it hard to deny the fact that this word may accurately describes a big part of my life. Having problems in being social isn't something that i'm ashamed of. My parents were not exactly 'people person' either when I was growing up, so it was hardly a surprise that my teen phase was socially depressing. Unfortunately this attribute continued to cover a large chunk of my early-adulthood social life as well.

While many different forms of anti-social behaviour have been deemed undesirable, very little attention has been given on the reason(s) why one might engage in such behavior. Often having too much free time in my hands, I constantly replayed my acts of such behavior in my head and most of the time I couldn't figure out why i had done such things. 

One of them that I can still remember clearly is this one : I was asking for my friend/neighbour who lived literally just across the street for me. Her mom answered the door and told me he was away. I knew she was lying. I don't know why she was. I didn't take that very well. So like what any normal kid would do in such situation, I decided to sit right in front of my house gate watching my friend's house, where I could basically see if anyone come or leave. I think I was sitting there for hours. I don't know why I did it. I think I was trying to make a point that I wasn't stupid enough to be lied to. I was a weird kid.
 

Here's another one : My friends were trying to get me out of the house to play soccer with them, but I was not in the mood. So they started shaking and banging my house gate. I got pissed. One of them tried to open the gate, so I forcefully closed the lever, accidentally hurting his hand. He was bleeding. I was stunned. I just stood there looking at his bleeding hand. I didn't say sorry. I didn't say anything. I thought it was his fault that he got himself hurt in the first place. He was screaming, calling me an asshole and eventually left with the others. I went back inside. 

Looking back now, there were so many factors that contributed to my anti-social behavior. Insecurity was definitely a big part of it. I wanted to be accepted but I didn't know how so I got frustrated. And I had no friends to vent to so everything was just sort of accumulating inside. My parents were too busy being parents and incapable of lending me their ears. I was too insecure about my insecurities.

Even though life got better eventually for me, the same feeling of alienation and inability or lack of drive to socialize with people never really went away. Every now and then I had the urge to go out and meet new people or talk to old friends, but I was always more comfortable sitting on my bed playing guitar, or reading a book. It's not really about not being with other people, but it's about being with yourself.

I'm 26 years old and I don't know if this was something I should be worried about. I am simply venting, and not really trying to make any point. Being alone is not that bad.

My Bloody Valentine

My recent solo trip to Melbourne has given me plenty of things to write about, and rightfully so. It was the first time I went back to Australia since the end of my Brisbane stay back in 2009. But let's save that for another time. The main reason I went there and spent stupid amount of money that was going to fund my dream amp - Twin Reverb - was to see one of my favorite bands of all time : My fucking Bloody Valentine.

Not in order : 

1. Fugazi

2. Dinosaur. Jr

3. Sonic Youth

4. My Bloody Valentine

5. Unwound

This is a list of "Bands I Need to See Before I Die" that I mentally made back around 2007. Back then, the list seemed pretty impossible. I did get to see Dinosaur Jr in 2008/2009 and Joe Lally solo show (probably the closest thing I'll get to Fugazi, somehow missed The Evens a few years ago argh!). My chance of seeing Unwound has always been less than zero percent. Now that Sonic Youth is taking a hiatus, I doubt that i'll get to see them as well.

It is worth noting that back then My Bloody Valentine was still 'inactive', so when I heard about their tour to Australia, i pretty much lost it. I was originally going to see them at All Tomorrow Party, but that thing sold out in like five hours. Hope was not all lost because they did announce their side shows a few weeks later.

I had browsed through the internet to see their setlist for ATP and Japan tour, and the Melbourne show was pretty much the same with different song order. It's a good mix of Isn't Anything (would've been more awesome if they had played Sueisfine though), Loveless, and songs of their EPs. They played one track of the new record, New You. I actually expected them to play more since I am quite fond of the new album. 

Earplugs were handed out at the door and that was enough to make me all giggly inside when entering the venue. I was there pretty early in hope of getting some merch or records. I can't tell you how disappointed I was over the fact that they didn't have any records with them. Total bummer. I'd love to get a copy of 'm b v'.

My Bloody Valentine was glorious. Kevin Shield's guitar, as you would expect was about twice as louder as the other instruments. Even the frantic drumming was no match for it. I saw a double stack of Marshalls and a few Fender combos behind Mr. Shields, perhaps some Vox too, I'm not too sure. Although it was weird hearing all the pre-recorded synth lines, Kevin Shield's guitar tone was pretty magical to my ears. The big, processed swirling guitar was there, banging at my ear drums and it was lovely.

The vocals were really low in the mix, causing them to be a bit inaudible. I don't know if this was intentional or not. Belinda pretty much stayed on her spot the entire night and didn't say much bar a few words through her microphone. She looked amazing as always. By midway through MBV's set, it was pretty much impossible to move around because well, every inch of floor was filled with people. 

There was no encore and MBV closed their set with 'Your Made Me Realise', complete with the extended 10-minute noise part. I have to admit that it got pretty fucking loud at some points where I kinda had to cover my ears with my hands. At no point throughout the show did I put on the earplugs. Fuck earplugs. It's pretty amazing how my ears were not ringing after the show. Maybe it was not loud enough heh.

In conclusion, the show was definitely worth the trip. It was a sonic experience, quite like no others. It would've been nice if they had changed up the setlist a bit and surprised us (Sometimes, maybe?) but I guess it's hard when you're playing a dozen shows on tour. They were probably the second loudest band i've seen, just slightly behind Dinosaur Jr. 

Thanks to Andrew, Lee, Steph, Madrim and Bianca for making the trip possible.

A few videos that I took myself :